I Am Here Sam
by bateemma416
Summary: Sam has daily tonic-clonic seizures, set shortly after John died. Loving, Caring Dean and Bobby.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everybody!

Welcome to One-Shot #2!

Sam had daily tonic-clonic seizures. Loving, Caring Dean and Bobby. Set shortly after John died.

#notadoctor

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The **tonic** - **clonic seizure** is what most people think of when they think of a convulsive **seizure**. A person loses consciousness, muscles stiffen, and jerking movements are seen. These types of **seizures** usually last 1 to 3 minutes and take much longer for a person to recover.

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Sam woke up with buddy, his seizure dog by his side. Sam got him to roll over and he rubbed his stomach before reaching over to the night stand and grabbing his royal blue seizure helmet and putting it on. He got up and buddy immediately ran downstairs, which was common so Sam didn't think anything of it. Sam went downstairs and before he could even get a hello out to Bobby he tensed up.

Buddy had gone straight to Bobby and started nudging his leg, Bobby knew that a seizure was coming the only thing buddy couldn't tell them was when. Bobby went into the linen closet to grab a blanket for under Sam's head and raced back into the living room only to see Sam's muscles tensing up. Bobby ran up behind all 6 foot 4 of Sam and caught him on the way down and gently set him down on the floor. Bobby placed the blanket under Sam's head and then started the stopwatch that both him and Dean kept in their pockets.

Once Bobby had Sam situated he yelled for Dean who was out in the junkyard brooding, trying to fix up his precious Impala.

Dean came running into the living room and saw Sam on the floor convulsing and Bobby timing it and trying to keep the blanket from shifting.

"Thank god we got that helmet." Dean said

"That was the best $150.00 I think I've ever spent." Bobby said

Bobby glanced down at his stop watch and noticed that they were nearing the 5-minute mark. Just as he was about to say something, Dean piped up, "Bobby he's calming down."

Sam had stopped shaking and now only small tremors could be felt in his arms and legs.

"I am here Sam." Dean said as he came closer and started running his thumb over Sam's cheek.

"Dean, you got him for a second?" Bobby asked

"Yep." Dean said coming around to where Bobby was holding Sam in the recovery position

Bobby went into the kitchen and grabbed Sam's water bottle and his seizure medication before coming back into the living room where Sam and Dean were.

"Mmm, d'n." Sam managed to get out

"I am here Sam." Dean said

"T'rd." Sam said

"I know Sammy, I know. But I need you to stay awake for me. You think you can do that?" Dean asked

"Mhmm." Sam nodded

"Okay, Bobby and I are going to try and get you to the couch. Try not to blow chunks for me little brother." Dean said

Bobby went to one side of Sam and Dean went to the other, once they both had a good grip of all 6 foot 4 of Sam they got him over to the couch so he could get some fluids and his medication down.

"Okay Sam, straws right in front of your mouth, you gotta take it from here. Drink some water and then we'll get your pills down." Dean said

Sam complied and drank the water and then his pills followed by more water.

"I'll go get the bed." Bobby said

"Thanks." Dean replied

Bobby went into a back closet and pulled out the bed that Sam was more often than not sleeping in if he had one of his seizures downstairs. Bobby rolled it into the living room and pulled back the covers before grabbing the pillow off of the couch.

"Okay, Sammy. You know the drill, back to bed." Dean said

Sam just nodded, to tired to give a reply to Dean or Bobby. Bobby and Dean helped Sam into the bed and get the covers covering him, before going into the kitchen/dining room.

"Look, I know you aren't the touchy feely 'chick-flick-moment' kinda guy but you need to give me some indication of your mental state. Losing you Daddy and having to deal with Sam's seizures isn't easy." Bobby said

"On any other day, I would say I was fine but everything is really starting to catch up with me. I'm not going to start pointing my gun at thin air but I am overwhelmed to say the least. I worshipped the damn man and now he's gone. Sam has been dealing with these seizures since the night of the fire and I haven't had a problem dealing with it until now." Dean said

"I wouldn't expect anything less son. This is a lot to handle at the moment. I was doing some reading and stress can increase the amount of seizures a person can have. So as much as I want to pat you on the back and say 'everything's going to be alright' this is going to be a difficult time. I know for a fact that Sam isn't dealing well with this either. He wont mention, converse or even look at the impala. He blames himself for that accident and it's going to take some chats to get that through his thick skull." Bobby said

"Thanks for everything Bobby." Dean said

"I couldn't just leave my son's high and dry. You know that." Bobby said

Uncharacteristically Dean went over to Bobby's open arms and let his guard down, even if just for a few seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

I Am Here Sam Chapter 2

I had 2 requests come in from NineCrow for some more Seizure Sam, so I worked them together. For the sake of this chapter, I would like to state that Sam has been having seizures since he was born. Also some episodes I have changed to fit in.

 _lucifer_

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Sam has been picking at the wall, even though he knows he shouldn't be. Dean is constantly looking over his shoulders at Sam. Sam is pretty sure Dean knows it is pissing Sam off and he is doing it in more of a deliberate manner.

Sam had been doing some research on his laptop for a case. Something he and Dean had not been on in a very long time. Buddy curled up by Sam's feet and moved his head, so it was resting on Sam's shoes. He was searching for a few hours when he thought he finally found something worth while for them to get back into the swing of things. A simple salt and burn.

"Dean come here and look at this" Sam said turning his laptop to face the other chair

Dean came and sat down in the chair opposite Sam, "Sammy we talked about this. I just don't think hunting is the best thing for us right now. I know for a fact that you've been picking at the wall and honestly, I would be doing the same thing."

"Dean, I know your worried and all, but this is just a salt n' burn. Buddy will be right along side like he always is. Please Dean." Sam begged, giving the best puppy-dog-eyes he could

"Ugh, fucking puppy dog eyes gets me every time. Look, we will go but your helmet goes on, your meds go in the bag with the weapons and you bring something soft for your head. I don't want anything to go wrong but if it does we need to be prepared." Dean said closing Sam's laptop

 _See Sam, that wasn't so hard to convince him of._

Sam started putting pressure on the cut on his hand to ground him. Sure enough, Lucifer was gone when he opened his eyes.

Dean however was kneeling in front of Sam, "Take this, and put it on." Dean said handing Sam the amulet

Sam threw himself at Dean, "thankyou."

"Its okay little brother. I know it's hard, but I promise it'll get better. Now why don't we start packing up and head off to that salt n' burn you found." Dean offered

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4 hours into a 10-hour drive and Sam was sound asleep with Buddy half sitting on his lap and half on the bench seat. Dean grabbed his phone and snapped a picture. Blackmail or a good memory he hadn't decided yet. One thing Dean knew for sure was that shit was going to hit the fan sooner than later, something that exacerbated Deans worry. He really wanted to give in to Sam's every whim but at the same time keep him sheltered and safe.

Before Dean could worry anymore Buddy's head perked up and he started licking Deans pant leg and nudging at his arms.

Dean looked down towards Buddy, "Seizure coming?" Dean asked

Buddy started licking Sam's face, so Dean pulled over and got out of the car and moved to the passenger side, "alright Sammy, lets get you horizontal."

Dean helped Sam lay down across the bench seat in the front of the Impala. Buddy had taken up residence sitting on the floor by Sam's head with his head resting on Sam's shoulder. Dean made sure that Sam's helmet was on snugly and that the pillow they had brought was under Sam's head. Before Dean was able to fuss anymore Sam had started to tense up. What Dean wasn't prepared for was the hand that started searching around.

"De" was all Sam managed before the convulsing started

Dean wanted so desperately to grab on to Sam's hand, but he knew better, Sam had to ride this out and Dean didn't want to cause anymore hurt than what Sam was already going through. Seizures and the devil talking in his head was enough. Dean had started the stop watch and was thankful when Sam's seizure was a relatively short one, 2 minutes and the seizure had passed. Buddy was up and licking Sam's face and arms to try and get Sam to come around again. Sure enough Sam started to come around, right when Buddy had started to whine.

"De." Sam said, eyes at half mast

"I am here Sam. Buddy is beside you still, trying to lick you to death." Dean said smiling at Buddy

Sam, Dean and Buddy stayed in that position until Sam was lucid enough to sit back up. Dean got back in his seat and set off in search of the closest motel.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked

"Not as bad as usual. Was it a long one?" Sam asked, worry on his face

"2 minutes this time. Remember to log that in your book for reference and get that worried look off of your face. You and I both know that your tonic-clonic seizures are not your fault. You didn't ask for them, and I sure as hell didn't. We will get there when we get there." Dean explained, trying to calm Sam down

Sure enough 15 minutes up the road was a motel. Dean got Sam and Buddy comfortable and then brought in all of their stuff, salted the windows and doors and sat on his bed and watched some TV to help him fall asleep.

Dean didn't know what time of night it was, but he was awoken to something scratching at his right arm. The arm he always kept outstretched towards Sam in case he needed something throughout the night. Dean opened his eyes and noticed Buddy still pawing at his arm and whining when he looked back towards Sam.

Something was wrong.

Dean jumped out of bed and went over to Sam's bed. He grabbed Sam's helmet from the bedside table and put it on Sam's head, worried he was going to have a seizure. But something was different. Buddy always started pawing and licking Sam when he was about to have a seizure and would then bark at Dean to get his attention. This wasn't a seizure. That's when Dean looked down to the comforter on Sam's bed and noticed it was wrapped around him and Sam's hands had bunches of the fitted sheet in them. This wasn't a seizure, it was a nightmare.

"Oh, thankyou Buddy!" Dean said petting the dog

Dean started to shake Sam's shoulder to try and get him to wake up; with no avail. Dean then unwrapped Sam from the comforter and the top sheet and started pressing on the pressure points on Sam's shoulders and neck. He had read up on the pressure point's after he couldn't get Sam out of a nightmare that turned into a full-on seizure that required Sam to be hospitalized for a week.

Dean still had the magic touch and was able to get Sam to wake up. Dean had an idea of what he was dreaming about and knew a dream like this could only mean Lucifer and that meant Sammy was scratching at the already crumbling wall. Dean brought Sam into a hug and that was how they sat for 30 minutes as Sam fell back to sleep.

Watching Sam go through all of this was taking its toll on Dean. He had a front row seat as he watched Sam get tortured daily by Lucifer and his seizures. It was unfair on Sam and Dean. If Dean could take it on instead of Sam, he would in a second. Sam never deserved any of this. He never seems to get the break he so deserves.

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The next morning when Sam woke up Dean had already been out to the diner to grab breakfast. Sam also noticed he had his helmet on, which he didn't go to bed with. Did he have a seizure overnight that he doesn't remember?

"Dean, why do I have my helmet on? I never sleep with my helmet on." Sam asked petting Buddy in the process

"Buddy here woke me up in a panic. I thought you were having or about to have a seizure. So, I grabbed your helmet and went over to your bed. Smarty pants knew something was up and he was right. You were in the grips of quite the nightmare. I couldn't even get you to wake up. I had to resort to the pressure points to get you out of it and then took me 30 minutes to get you calmed down enough to get you back to sleep. You really don't remember that?" Dean explained

"No. I don't even remember the nightmare. I always remember my nightmares. I don't like having gaps like this." Sam said confusion written on his face

"Why don't you come on over and have some breakfast and then we can worry about your time gaps? Sound good?" Dean asked

Sam nodded and made his way over to the table where Dean was sitting on the laptop, "you could have eaten without me."

"That's okay. I was to busy researching this hunt some more and the town itself." Dean answered closing the laptop and putting it on the ground beside his chair

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Sam and Dean ate in relative peace and were back on the road within the hour. Sam still hadn't brought up his memory gaps and Dean was happy that at least for now they could remain blissfully ignorant.

 _Aren't you lucky big brother was there to save you from that nightmare. I had fun reliving that memory from the cage. Soon we will be reliving it together back where you belong._

Sam jumped up from where he was sleeping in the Impala and took a deep gasping breath before opening his eyes. Buddy started nudging Sam's arm and was getting restless waiting for his owner to acknowledge him. Sam got his bearings and reassured Buddy that everything was alright, thus Buddy went back to his position with his head and both front legs across Sam's lap.

"You alright?" Dean asked

"Yeah, I think so. How close are we?" Sam steered the conversation in the other direction

"We're about 20 minutes from the motel." Dean said, absentmindedly petting Buddy with his free hand

When Sam and Dean pulled into the motel parking lot Sam looked over at Dean, "Do you think I'm a liability to you when we're hunting?"

"Of course, not Sammy!" Dean replied eagerly

Sam just nodded and got out of the Impala with Buddy following closely behind. Dean had managed to find a motel, backing onto a lake. Which as you can imagine was exactly where Sam went with Buddy.

It was no mystery to Dean why Sam always gravitated to water. It was the one thing that Sam was never allowed to do. Swimming was never allowed. It was just too dangerous. Dean knew that was part of the reason Sam had Buddy, was to warn him of oncoming seizures but Dean didn't want to chance it. Sam was already a trouble magnet, he didn't need to add anything else to make his life even more dangerous.

Sam sat down on the beach, running his hands through the sand. Buddy sat beside him panting, fur blowing in the slight breeze. Dean had to admit, Buddy was a handsome dog. It had taken him a bit to get used to having a dog with them everywhere they went. He wasn't very fond of dogs, but with Sam having this condition he quickly learned to love him and thanked him everyday that Sam was still living. Not that Dean would ever tell Sam, or Buddy, that he was a god-send.

Dean went and got a room for them and started hauling their stuff inside. He grabbed the blanket from the back of the Impala and brought it down with the drinks cooler, to sit with Sam and Buddy for a while. They had a few beers and watched the sunset go down. Before Dean was able to et up he noticed that Sam had fallen asleep, his head on Deans shoulder and one hand on Buddy.

Dean let Sam sit asleep on his shoulder until dark ominous clouds started rolling in, although he didn't want to he shrugged Sam off his shoulder to wake him up. Dean pointed to the dark clouds moving towards them. Sam yawned and then stretched before getting up, grabbing the cooler while Dean grabbed the blanket. They walked back to the room just as the rain had started to hit. It was almost a miracle that the clouds came in at the time that they did so Sam and Dean could get into the motel room. As soon at the three of them crossed the threshold Buddy lost his shit. He started barking and dragging Sam to the floor. Dean ran over to the nearest bed and grabbed a pillow to put under Sam's head. Now it was just a question of time.

Dean sat at Sam's head for almost 10 minutes before Sam's muscles started to tense uncontrollably. Buddy was giving kisses along Sam's arms and keeping close eye on Sam's face as well as Dean's.

 _It was the heat of the moment._

 _Telling me what my heart meant._

 _The heat of the moment shone in your eyes._

 _See Sammy, I know all about your little Groundhog Day. Say yes and you'll never have to heat that Asia song again._

 _No more seizures, no more Dean having to watch your every move and no more annoying dog following you everywhere you go._

 _But, see Sam. Dean and Buddy aren't going to live forever; I will. Every time you close your eyes and every time your muscles start to convulse. I am a constant Sam._

 _I. AM. NOT. GOING. ANYWHERE._

"Dammit Sammy, come on. I don't want to have to call an ambulance." Dean said looking down to his watch.

Buddy had started getting restless around the 6-minute mark. Whining and furiously licking Sam all-over.

As if a god was watching down on them, Sam stopped seizing. Small tremors were still going through his body, but those Dean could deal with.

Sam doesn't remember much after that. He knows Dean managed to get him into the bed furthest from the door. The next thing he remembers is hearing Asia in the back of his mind and tearing up just at the thought of it. He never told Dean what happened, nor Bobby. He and Gabriel are the only 2 who knew what had happened that long time ago. He still gave some thought to Gabriel. Sam missed him dearly. They had become very good friends and would often be found by Dean taking a stroll outside the motel. Of course, Dean had though that Gabriel had come to find Sam, much like Castiel had come to find him. Castiel knew what had happened of course, but just let Dean be ignorant to save a fight or two. Sam didn't think that he was ever going to tell Dean about all those Tuesdays and then looking and searching for a way to bring Dean back when he was shot putting their gear into Baby.

Dean would just pile all of Sam's guilt onto himself and Sam didn't want to do that. Dean had enough grief to deal with, and he definitely didn't need any of Sam's.

The next thing Sam remembers is waking up in his bed, the curtains had been slightly opened to let the slightest amount of light in. Dean was sitting at the table with the laptop out and his headphones in. Dean often times when it was silent start thinking and that never went anywhere good, so Sam downloaded all the music Dean could ever want. That solved the problem and Dean could still research and keep an eye on his younger sibling. After all, that was the most important job anyone could have.

"How ya feeling?" Dean asked, putting down the headphones and closing the laptop

"Not to bad. I don't remember much. I remember you laying me down and then I don't remember anything until you got me into bed." Sam said wiping the sleep from his eyes

"It was longer than usual. Any longer and I would have called an ambulance. You were pretty out if it. I wasn't getting anything useable out of you last night." Dean said coming over to sit beside Sam

"Did, you find more on the ghost?" Sam asked, swinging his legs over the side of the bed

"I did, it was a little girl who had epilepsy. Oddly enough. She was walking home from school and fell to the ground with a seizure and a driver didn't see her and ran her over, killing her instantly. I'd be pissed too." Dean said, trying to get Sam engaged in the conversation

"How far from the motel?" Sam asked

"10 minutes give or take. I was also able to find out that she wasn't cremated. She was buried. So, who knows maybe this will be an easy one for once." Dean said with a smile

"Don't say that! It's never easy for us. We were born with targets on our backs." Sam said in a cynical tone

"Oh, come on Sam. Don't act like we've never had a free day in our lives. Don't get me wrong yeah its been a shit storm lately but we have had some good times." Dean berated Sam

"Let's just go get some breakfast and then figure out all of the logistics of this hunt." Sam said in a huff.

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Once Sam, Dean and Buddy had returned from getting breakfast, Sam sat down at the laptop and was looking over the articles and documents that Dean had found on the little girl who they had to salt and burn tonight. Allison was her name, 7 years old. Such a bright life lost in an instant.

"That could be me. You do realise that right?" Sam asked, picking a fight

"What?" Dean questioned, confused

"This little girl had a seizure walking home from school and was then run over. That could be me any day. Who knows, it could even happen today." Sam said pointing to the laptop

"Where the fuck has this come from captain depression?" Dean motioned

"I was just making a remark is all." Sam said looking away from Dean, and back at the laptop

"You have absolutely no idea, the shitstorm I would go through some days to make sure I had a vehicle to come and pick you up with, do you? Dad thought you would be fine walking on your own. I was the one who was looking out for your ass twenty-four-seven. Not Dad, me. Who do you think kept you from being flattened on the asphalt? Hmm? Any guesses? Me Sam. Get off your high horse and do something useful with the day. Don't just sit there inserting yourself into scenarios that could've happened. I don't have the patience for this shit today." Dean said, before going into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him

Sam knew exactly why he had decided to pick a fight. Lucifer had been nattering in his head for quite a while and Sam had thought about maybe just leaving Dean, so he wouldn't have to keep looking out for Sam. Although Dean would never admit it, Sam had a good idea that Dean thought he was a burden and was holding him back from everything he wanted to do.

Sam looked outside and noticed that it had started to rain. Rain was always soothing for Sam. He loved to sit outside under a tree or awning with Buddy and just get lost in the sounds of the rain. Sam got up and grabbed a piece of paper letting Dean know he would be out side under the big oak tree beside the parking lot. Buddy was already by his side and followed Sam as we walked out into the rain towards the oak tree.

Buddy went ahead of Sam and hopped up on the picnic table and patiently waited for Sam to make his way over. Sam sat down on the bench seat and laid his head down on Buddy who was sitting on the table. He let the gentle rain lul him to sleep. Not that he was worried, Buddy was always on alert.

Dean had taken a quick shower to clear his head and then came out into the room, only to find it empty. Dean was frantic until he noticed the motel stationary sitting on the table with the pen placed neatly beside it. He looked out the window and had to smile more than anything when he saw Sam asleep on Buddy out in the rain. He didn't know nor understand Sam's fascination with the rain. He had asked once and Sam at that time couldn't explain it, so Dean had left it there and didn't read anything else into it. Sam enjoyed it. With everything that was going on in their lives at the moment, Sam could enjoy whatever he damn well pleased.

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Sam and Dean were in the Impala on the way to the only cemetery in town. Dean was driving, and Sam was looking out the passenger side window with buddy down by his feet. They pulled into the cemetery not 5 minutes later and all got out to grab the supplies they would need to salt and burn the little girl.

"You still want to do this?" Dean asked in a hushed tone

"Yes Dean. I'm sick of standing on the sidelines doing the research and then not being able to do the actual hunting."

Dean let the issue drop and they all started walking towards the grave of the little girl. Dean was walking in front and Sam was walking close behind with Buddy right beside him, Sam hadn't been nervous before, when he was doing the research. Now however, his nerves were clouding his thought process and he knew he had to get a handle on things or Dean and Buddy could get hurt.

"I'll start digging first okay?" Dean asked grabbing the shovel

Sam nodded, grabbed the shotgun and started keeping watch for the little girl.

What surprised Sam the most, was when the little girl didn't show up right away. Dean had dug a substantial hole by the time she first showed up. Sam didn't even hesitate, he aimed and fired at the ghost, dissipating almost instantly. Sam repeated the same actions multiple times before she popped up behind him. He turned around and was about to depress the trigger when he was thrown head first into a grave stone. Sam somehow managed to keep hold of the shot gun and before his convulsions started he shot the little girl.

 _Hello Saamm…_

 _Sammy boy. How's it hanging._

 _You my friend, are in a sad state of affairs._

 _Such an abomination to the Winchester lineage._

 _Maybe you'd like to come back to the cage for a little vacation while Dean tries and fails to save poor Sammy Winchester._

 _I enjoy watching you seize like that on the ground._

 _I have all the control and all the time in the world._

 _Don't you wish you finally had control of your life?_

 _You had some control at Stanford._

 _Then Dean begged to bring you back into the life and then Jessica burned on the ceiling._

 _Now that was a show I would watch over and over and over again._

Dean had seen Sam go flying and then heard the bone shattering impact from his head into the gravestone. Dean started digging faster and faster when he heard the impact of shovel on wood. He opened the coffin, salted and then burned the little girl before running frantically over to Sam who lay seizing in a pool of his own blood.

Dean knew Sam had a fear of hospitals. Hell, so did Dean. But in this case Sam needed help and he needed it fast.

Dean dialled 9-1-1 and waited for an answer, "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"My brother is bleeding from the head after tripping and falling headfirst into a gravestone. He is also seizing." Dean said remaining as calm as possible

"Has he ever had a seizure before?"

"Yes, he has tonic-clonic seizures and he takes carbamazepine twice a day."

"Where are you right now sir?"

"We are at the cemetery just off 3rd street."

"Okay, I have dispatched an ambulance to your location sir. What is your brothers name?"

"His name is Sam."

"Okay, has Sam taken both of his doses of carbamazepine today?"

"Yes, he took his second dose at 5 with supper."

"Okay, thank you. Just a few more questions. What is your name?"

"I'm Dean."

"How old is Sam?"

"He's 29."

"Okay, thank you for remaining calm and getting me all the answers. The ambulance should be there within 5 minutes."

"Thankyou. Bye."

"Goodbye."

Dean hung up the phone and looked down at the call duration. It had now been over 3 minutes which is normally when they have stopped or at least slowed down.

"Come on Sammy. Don't do this please." Dean pleaded

Sam was still going at it, even when the ambulance arrived. The attendants rushed over with a gurney, their supplies and backboard as fast as they could. The attendants verified all of the information Dean had given the 9-1-1 dispatch and they all waited for Sam to stop seizing so they could get him to the hospital and begin treatment.

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Dean and the ambulance attendants waited and when Sam had finally stared to calm down his seizure was almost at the 7-minute mark. Dean knew immediately that something wasn't right, and this was not going to be a simple recovery.

They were now on their way towards the hospital and Dean was growing evermore worried as time went on and Sam didn't wake up and his head didn't stop bleeding.

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That is all for now. It took me forever between 2 jobs and school. Sorry!

Prompts˅

(Maybe Set In Season 6/7 Even Though The Wall is Cracking Then Falls. He Still Has Grand Mal's Even Though The Wall is Down and While He's Fitting Lucifer Plays) & (Was Thinking That Sam Hasn't Had One For a While So Dean Takes Him On a Salt and Burn That Turn Anything But Simple For Them As Sam Has a MASIVE and Long Fit That Needs Hospital...)


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